Buy DLink, die within three years

The obligatory photos will come soon, but here's the gist: the warranty policy enclosed with a DLink ethernet card I bought recently claims "*lifetime" warranty (note the asterisk!).

Intrigued, I chased down the asterisk and found this (we will ignore the pathetic quality of language here):

*D-Link's Lifetime warranty is a 3 years warranty against manufacturing defects. The Warranty is limited to 3 years due to limited availability of components after 3 years. [...] Incase of any disputes or warranty terms the decision of D-Link authorized staff will be final and binding on the customer.

In other words, if your lifetime stretches beyond three years after buying a DLink product with "*Lifetime" warranty, DLink will authorize its staff to terminate you. If the warranty document is written in English, as it appears to be, that is the only possible interpretation.

People who willfully subvert language should be put away like rabid curs.

I hear a similar but much bigger mischief is afoot with mobile service companies promising "lifetime" accounts; you need to read the fine print to get the SIM-recharging details.